We went to mediation in early spring.
The mediator was a retired attorney who explained that her role was to help us negotiate, not decide who was right.
We sat in separate rooms for part of the day.
There was a tray of sandwiches nobody wanted.
Scott arrived with his lawyer and the same navy blazer.
I wore a simple gray jacket I had bought for work.
Leah had prepared me for the process.
We would discuss parenting first, then support, then property.
We could settle some issues and leave others for court.
I wasn't required to accept an offer just because someone made it sternly.
The parenting discussion was difficult.
Scott wanted an equal schedule immediately.
I wasn't opposed to more time if it worked for the children.
But his office hours were unpredictable, and Ellie had activities that required reliable transportation.
We proposed expanding his midweek involvement gradually and building specific transportation arrangements into the schedule.
The mediator carried proposals back and forth.
No one got everything they requested.
By lunchtime, we had the outline of a more predictable plan.
The children would continue attending the same schools.
Both parents would have access to appropriate school and medical information.
Holiday time would be divided according to a calendar.
Neither parent would use the children to carry messages or pressure the other.
Scott initially called that last provision insulting.
Then he agreed to it when the mediator said it applied to both of us.
Property negotiations took longer.
Scott wanted to retain the company.
That made sense; he ran it.
But retaining it meant its value had to be considered in the overall settlement.
His opening figure still relied on his lower expert valuation.
Leah presented our analysis and the account records.
The mediator asked both sides what a trial might cost.
Attorney fees.
Further expert work.
Time away from jobs.
Stress on the children.
I watched Scott's attorney write down those figures.
There was nothing enjoyable about it.
A lawsuit could consume money that would otherwise support two homes.
During a break Scott appeared outside the conference room.
“I can't believe you did all this,” he said.
I held my water bottle in both hands.
“You filed for divorce.”
“You know what I mean.”
“I want a fair settlement and a workable plan for the kids.”
“You used to trust me.”
“I trusted you to tell me what was happening with our money.”
He looked away.
“Business finances are complicated.”
“Then they needed to be explained.”
He said nothing.
I didn't ask for an apology in the hallway.
There was no audience I wanted to impress.
Back inside, the mediator presented a possible financial arrangement.
Scott would retain his business interest and certain related obligations.
I would receive an agreed share of other marital assets and an equalizing payment, subject to carefully defined dates and security arrangements.
The house remained the hardest issue.
I could potentially keep it if I qualified to refinance and could satisfy the agreed distribution.
If financing failed, we would need a backup plan to sell under agreed procedures.
I hated the backup plan.
I asked Leah whether refusing it would make the risk disappear.
“No,” she said.
I took a long look at the papers.
Then I asked for time to check the financing with the loan officer.
The mediator agreed to recess the property issue while we obtained confirmation.
Scott looked annoyed.
“Another delay?”
“A necessary check,” the mediator said.
On the drive home, I felt neither victorious nor defeated.
I was tired and hungry.
I stopped at a drive-through and bought a cheeseburger.
Then I ate it in the parking lot while reading the lender's checklist.
For the first time, I could see a route through the problem.
It wasn't the route Scott had chosen for me.
It was one we would have to build carefully.
Click here to continue reading: PART 14: A Mortgage Decision and a Signed Settlement Replaced the Victory Scott Had Announced Months Earlier
The Night Scott Put Divorce Papers Beside Our Dinner and Mistook My Signature for Surrender
Part 13 of 16
