I (28F) moved in with my fiancé (30M) last year. It’s technically his house, but we both call it home. I decorate, cook, clean, pay part of the mortgage, you get it.
Anyway, one afternoon I came home early from work and found my future MIL in our bedroom. Not just that, she was in our closet, looking through my clothes. I startled her, and she said she was “checking to make sure I had enough hangers.” WHAT?
I asked my fiancé about it. A chill ran through me as he informed me that his mom has the key to the house. “Oh yeah, she helps out sometimes,” he explained.
Helps out? I didn’t ask for help. And since when is going through someone’s personal things considered helpful? I told him this was a huge violation, and he just shrugged and said she’s always been “involved.”
I feel like I’m in a sitcom where the overbearing MIL is real and no one’s laughing. I asked him to take back the key, and he acted like I was being controlling. His mom hasn’t apologized either, she said I should be “grateful” she cares enough to “tidy up.”
Tell me I’m not insane. Am I wrong for thinking this crosses a major line?
Other Reddit users weighed in with their thoughts and perspectives, leaving comments such as:
- She’s been going through her things for a year without her knowledge. Even ’helping out’ is sus, so does this man have his mommy secretly coming in to clean up after him. OP thought she was getting a tidy husband only to find out he has a secret mommy maid. I’d be concerned what the state of the house would be without her ’helping’ him.
Don’t start a marriage with lies. It won’t end well. © jleek9 / Reddit - MIL having a spare key for emergencies and respecting it as such would be acceptable, if you and your partner both agreed. MIL having a spare key to come in to your home at her leisure, to go through your things, and to enter the most intimate of personal spaces is absolutely unacceptable. No if ands or buts. Absolutely not.
I’m not a fan of an ultimatum, but I would give one here. She gives her key back, or I give my key back, move out and break up. There’s no universe where I could accept living that way. Good luck! © apothekryptic / Reddit - Ultimatums won’t work because fiancé doesn’t see his mom as a problem. It’s OP who will be the target of his anger. She needs to pack her sh!t and leave. This will be only the tip of the iceberg in relation to his mom’s influence in their lives. © Interesting_Novel997 / Reddit
- My mom has a key and comes over when we’re out, when she’s bored. We can always tell as the dishes are done, and the floors swept and laundry folded. If his mom had been actually helping, OP would have noticed the house get mysteriously cleaner.
Need to change locks or partners. © eileen404 / Reddit - Guaranteed the son also has a key to his mother’s house. I’d just borrow his key and take a tour through his mom’s closet. Surely she’d be grateful that you care enough to tidy up for her. © RearWindowWasher / Reddit
- OP needs to go into damage control mode first:
Check your prescriptions and valuables: Anything damaged or missing? Particularly, check any birth control or restricted substances. Jewelry, camera equipment, tools, electronics, IDs anything that’s easy to fence.
Check your accounts and credit: See anything that you haven’t authorized? Any new loans or credit cards? Changes to your credit score?
Passwords & PINs: If you write these down on physical media for yourself or others, change them and write them down in your phone. Pay particular attention to places that give someone access to other things: iCloud, security cameras, Dropbox etc. © ValleyOakPaper / Reddit - My MIL asked ex husband for a key to our home. He gave her a spare key and then told me about it after. I got quite irate about him not discussing it with me first (basically because I’d have said no!). She already used to go through my kitchen and linen cupboards in my presence, so I was concerned about what she’d go through if no one was around. I asked him to ask her for the key back. He said no. So I asked her for it myself and got it back. The thing is, I was never offered a key from her house, so why should she be allowed to have uninhibited access to my place? © ButterscotchPale5375 / Reddit
