I always despised my older sister. That truth sits in my chest like a stone, heavy and impossible to move.
To me, she was everything I didn’t want to become—uneducated, constantly exhausted, smelling faintly of bleach and cheap soap. She worked as a cleaner, scrubbing other people’s messes for a living, always counting coins at the end of the month, always worrying about debt. When friends asked about her, I avoided the topic. When classmates talked about ambitious siblings and successful families, I stayed quiet.
She was five years older than me, yet somehow felt decades behind in life. Or at least that’s how I saw it.
I was the “smart one.” The one teachers praised. The one with potential. From a young age, everyone said I was destined for something bigger. University. A respectable career. A future that smelled like books and offices, not disinfectant and trash bags.
My sister never argued with that narrative. She never defended herself. She just smiled—softly, tiredly—and kept going.
When I received my university acceptance letter, my phone buzzed nonstop with congratulations. Friends, relatives, old classmates. And then her name appeared on the screen.
She called me that evening, her voice warm and proud.
“I knew you could do it,” she said. “I’m so happy for you.”
Something ugly rose inside me then—pride mixed with shame, irritation mixed with superiority. I didn’t want her happiness. I wanted distance.
“Don’t bother,” I snapped. “Go clean toilets. That’s what you’re good at.”
There was a pause on the line. Just a second. Maybe two.
“Oh,” she said quietly. “Okay. I just wanted to say I’m proud of you.”
She hung up.
I didn’t apologize. I didn’t even think about it afterward. I told myself she deserved it. That I was just being honest. That her life choices weren’t my responsibility.
Three months ago, she died.
The call came early in the morning. I remember staring at the wall while my aunt spoke, the words not fully registering. My sister. Gone. Just like that. No dramatic goodbye. No final conversation to fix things.
At the funeral, the air was heavy with grief and unsaid words. People I barely recognized cried openly. Coworkers talked about how kind she was, how she stayed late to help others, how she never complained.
I stood there numb, replaying our last conversation in my head. My words. My cruelty.
After the service, as people slowly dispersed, my aunt pulled me aside. Her eyes were red, but her voice was steady.
“Now it’s time for you to know the truth,” she said.
I looked at her, confused.
“Your sister made the biggest sacrifice of her life for you,” she continued. “Your grandmother left an inheritance—enough money for one of you to study and build a decent future. Only one.”
My chest tightened.
“Your sister was invited to a prestigious law school,” my aunt said. “She was accepted. She could have gone. She could have been a lawyer.”
The world tilted.
“But she declined,” my aunt went on. “She decided you would use that money instead. She believed you deserved it more. She believed in you completely.”
I couldn’t breathe.
“She never got a proper education or a good job because she wanted you to have it all,” my aunt said softly. “It was a family secret. She forbade everyone from telling you. She said if you knew, you’d feel pressured. Or guilty. She wanted you to succeed freely.”
I sank into a chair, shaking.
“All those years,” my aunt whispered, “she was proud of you. Every exam. Every achievement. She carried your success like it was her own.”
I cried for days after that. Not quiet tears—violent, choking sobs that left me empty. Every memory replayed with a new meaning. Her tired smiles. Her silence. Her pride when I succeeded.
And my words.
“Go clean toilets.”
Now I study twice as hard. Every casebook I open, every lecture I attend, I think of her. I am becoming the lawyer she never had the chance to be—not because I’m brilliant, but because she chose me.
I can never apologize to her. I can never tell her I understand now.
All I can do is live a life worthy of her sacrifice—and never forget that the person I once looked down on was the one who lifted me the highest.
