My MIL Wanted to Take Over My Home—She Didn’t See My Payback Coming

The mother-in-law insisted it was natural to live with her son’s family. But when she tried to move in, her daughter-in-law said no. The response started an argument that put the husband in the middle of the fight, and who do you think he blames?

My name is Jenna. My MIL has overstepped in so many ways. She stayed with us on our honeymoon and even picked the name of our baby. She never really liked me, but I always try to be kind. But last week she crossed a line. She showed up at our house and announced that she would be moving in. She said she’s “too lonely” in her own place and that it’s “only natural” for her to live with her son and “take care of the baby.” She also complained that her rent is going up and she “deserves” to be with family instead of wasting money.

I told her that this wasn’t going to happen, and if my husband wanted her here, then he could move in with her. I reminded her that I never agreed to this, and she can’t just announce it like it’s final. She freaked out, called me controlling, and stormed off. Later, my husband told me I was out of line and that I should apologize. I told him I’m not apologizing for protecting my home and family. Now he says I’m making him choose between me and his mom. Really?

A lot of experts say that parents shouldn’t live with their adult children. Especially if children have their own families.  is why:

• The adult child may feel torn between their spouse and their parent, leading to feelings of resentment, stress, and even guilt.
• Parents might struggle with the loss of authority, and adult children might feel they have to take on the “parenting” role for their own parents. This shift in roles can be difficult to navigate emotionally, creating awkwardness and strain in the relationship.
• Having an extra person living in the home can lead to a loss of personal space and autonomy. Partners might struggle to have quality time together or make decisions freely without considering a third person’s opinion.

That’s why it’s important that you stand firm in your boundaries. Acknowledge that, while you understand her situation, moving in isn’t the best solution. Make it clear that you are willing to find other ways to assist, but this particular choice doesn’t work for your family.

The goal is to find a solution that works for everyone involved, including your MIL. If she’s feeling financially strained and lonely, perhaps there are community resources or volunteer programs that can help. You can also offer to help her find a roommate, look into senior living options, or help with setting up a regular visiting schedule for your family. Let her know that you care and will help her find alternatives.