My daughter-in-law set a rule: I had to give 48 hours’ notice before visiting my grandson. I thought it was excessive, but I followed it faithfully because I didn’t want any conflict. I’d text her two days ahead, wait for her approval, and only visit at the exact time she allowed.
Last month was my grandson’s third birthday. I asked three days in advance if I could drop off his gift. She said no—apparently, I hadn’t given 48 hours’ notice before the party itself, only before the drop-off. I was confused, but I didn’t argue. Instead, I left the wrapped present on their porch with a card and quietly drove away.
That evening, my son called and accused me of being “passive-aggressive” for leaving the gift instead of coming to the party. I explained that his wife had denied my request, but he said I should have “tried harder to work it out with her.” That’s when something in me just broke.
I stopped visiting. I stopped asking. Six months of silence followed.
Then, just last week, my son called again—this time, panicked. “Mom, we need you. We have a work emergency. Can you take him for the weekend?”
I was caught completely off guard. Part of me wanted to help because I miss my grandson so much. But another part of me couldn’t shake the feeling that they were only reaching out because they suddenly needed me.
I told my son I needed some time to think about it and hung up.
Now he keeps calling, and my daughter-in-law actually texted me—the first message from her in months—saying they “really need family right now.”
And I’m torn.
Did I make things worse by stepping back? Should I help them now, after being shut out for half a year? And if I do, how do I protect myself while still staying in my grandson’s life?
